The morning after

On my way to work today I realised that I have, for a long time, allowed my romantic relationship status to decide if I was happy. I have been looking to make myself happy by looking for someone else to make me happy. lol Kinda gets twisted and dizzy in my head. Long story short I woke up this morning to a bad dream. I took a moment to realise I wasn't dreaming, and that I had just woken up alone; again. Then as the day goes on I started feeling better. I suppose it will be like this for a while. Its what I am calling "Morning sickness of the Heart." I was almost thinking 'mourning sickness' But thought that was a really bad pun. :) I am a bit dizzy and tired, but I suppose that comes with the physical sickness I am still geting over. After loosing 10lbs to stress, developing a stomach ulcer, geting a cold, and being sick with an, as of yet unspecified, S.T.D. it is undoubtedly going to take my body some time to heal. So this week starts my healing. Healing my Body, My Mind, and hardest of all, My Heart. Time and staying away from the icky goo of depressive thoughts and a way of life that can only be decribed as an existance of "hopelessness". Trust. Trust in myself. I can trust me to make me happy. It feels good to say that. *deep breath* Ok On to more times and rememeber Fred... I found my happy thought. *big grinn*

I just can't end the Journal on such a winding down feeling. It IS GOOD that I am single and I am HAPPY to finaly have the opertunity to be myself and not what someone else wants me to be. Time to enjoy the great and awsome things that make me happy.