Work out.

So I have been waking up early every morning. The point is to be able to cook breakfast, stretch and work out before work. The apt. is still a mess, so the kitchen is a cramped dungeon of doom. I'm also not quite enough out of the woods, financially, to have the fixings for a real breakfast anyway. I did, however, get my work out done twice this week, and I stretched today. I am supposed to work my upper body and stretch Mon Wen and Fri. Then stretch and a morning run on Tue, Th, and Sat. The first accomplishment is that I am doing the morning workout. The stretch is slowly coming along, then I will add the "off day" stretch and run. The food will come along as the finances straighten out.


In other news I almost got laid last night. I am glad I didn't. The guy who called about buying my Mustang had, bad/ good timing depending on how you look at it. He called back after I was done with the show last night. Just as my potential bed buddy was working out the last few arrangements for our rendezvous. I left in a bit of a hurry and She wasn't due at my place until after she went out for coffee. Well she never called, and if She hints at still begin interested tonight I am going to turn her down. I don't need that in my life and I need to develop a stronger will power. I woke up feeling quite humiliated so we will see how the rest of the week goes. Only another 4 shows and I'm done.


I am also making progress with Anjuli, and Stephanie. Despite Anjuli and JBs predictions that Stephanie would be a less then pleasant task, it is turning out much better then that. So far. We have been communicating over Myspace and so far things look good. We are planing to have a talk on Sunday afternoon. I am hoping She is still the Swordsmen that I remember. If She is then I don't see how the conversation could end badly. I have it all planned out to show her My point of view, without "stepping on her toes". With the added hope that She will help Me see her side. Which of Us speaks first, I hope won't matter. The hardest part is going to be Me keeping my temper/frustrations etc.. under control while She talks. The end result is hopefully that we can work out the problems we have been having.

However there is a part that worries Me. I can't help feeling like I am once again manipulating the situation. I know these are the good ways to work out our problems, but I am scared that I am using what I know about Her to influence the situation. In a way I am manipulating it to My benefit. Although the end result, in My opinion, will benefit both sides; I am doing it for Me. If I didn't feel bad about the situation, then I wouldn't care. At the core my motives are entirely selfish. So I am using what I know about Her to convince Her to talk in the first place. Saying the right things, and, please forgive the terminology, planing to stroke Her ego/pride/self love in order to put her in a more tolerating mood. I don't know how to explain the details very well, but essentially I am planning to manipulate her emotions to achieve My goal. I know that the skills come from JB. She is where I learned them, I have worked on them, but my knowledge is to her credit. I also know that in law enforcement, etc.. such skills are prized. The ability to take control of someones emotions has already helped me defuse potentially violent situations.
However the moral implications are what bring my concern. In My Job it is understood that such methods are a common way to keep volatile situations from ending in violence. In our society such methods are, in a professional environment, morally acceptable. The question that plagues My mind is whether such things are acceptable in a more social level. If, rather in regards to JB 'when', I find that someone has been manipulating a social situation it initially incites me to anger. However there are also times when I find it acceptable and come to understand what the intent was, and so long as the motivation was acceptable, I found that I came to be at peace with the situation. I suppose the thing I must keep in mind is that I must keep my motivation in using such skills to benefit the needs of all those involved. Although my main motivation will always be derived from selfish intent, it must remain that the end result was not self indulgent, but communicably beneficial.

After reviewing what I have written thus far, it brings to light that it was not the act of manipulation that incited my anger, but the presumption that it was for the selfish indulgence of the party doing the manipulation. In the end, I know that the selfish intent is to make the specified self feel better. So long as it can be concluded feeling better is derived from others feeling better then the, selfish intent, although still selfish is in many ways unselfish.


Ex: I feel better when someone I have hurt heals from the pain I have caused.


Although the intent was selfish, the motivation was produced from unselfish desires. In such a situation I believe I would be comfortable and accepting of someone exacting the same scenario, where I am the hurt party, and they the aggressor. If it can be presumed that others would, in fact, also agree with such a scenario, then It can also be presumed that morally it would become acceptable. Although it can not be presumed that all people would be in agreement. However my experience being all I have to go on, in my experience the majority of people; I believe; would find such as being acceptable.

Reading thorough this makes my head spin. I knew there was a reason that all this usually was simply processed in my subconscious. I bring it to my conscious mind in order to better understand how to do what I hope to accomplish.




*T.H.X. sound blares*
The audience is now thoroughly confused.