3 am

I'm half asleep, yet I am dreaming. In the dream my phone is ringing off the hook.
Three people are calling all at once. Lesli, JB and Michelle. I also have two txt messages chiming in with the ringing of the phone. I decide that Michelles call is most important to me and answer it. She is asking questions, we have a conversation I can't remember, and the dream goes hazy. The dream turns and I am reading a text message. Then I start hearing the chime of another text message and I wake up.

What do you know, just as I am waking a text message chimes, and shows up on my phone. Hailey. New message 1:34am. "What time is it", I ask myself. 1:36am. It has probably chimed once already and I assume it is chiming for the second time. The message asks if I am awake, so I call her back. She called for "...." The conversation turns, and we decide to go for one of our customary night drives. As per the norm, I bring a condom; just in case. It wouldn't be the first time I had/ have wanted to have sex with her, better safe then sorry. We drive, and talk. It relaxes me. I enjoy our talks. We wined our way around the city.

Too soon she is pulling up in front of my place. I muster all my strength of will, and keep my mouth shut. In my head I am asking her to come in, or if I can come back to her place... I hug her. She asks me to pop her back. So she gets out and I hold her, lifting her off her feet I pop her back. I don't want to let go, so I let go almost too fast. We say good night, and I get inside feeling good. It is a nice night out. Not too cold, just right.

She is more and more attractive every time we talk. She has a nice body, and the more and more she opens up to me, the more I want her. She wants to own and run a theatre. Very much a theatre geek, and I miss the theatre. Her dream seems to be comming along, and within her reach. Her dream fantisizes of having a real 'husband' type around. So many reasons why she is attractive, and so few reasons why not. I get inside and smell the faint resdiue of the perfume from her cigarettes. The smell makes me nastalgic. The more often I drive with her, the easier it is for me to breath; with out coughing at the mear smell. It still does the same dammage, I'm sure. She has a 'not husband'. He is gay. It works nice for her. She gets the space she needs, and is ok with not having the physical intamacy. She seems so happy. I don't want to mess her life up with, what can olny be described as: 'me'. While we were driving around I saw part of my future. I saw two roads. One road led to drama, dating, struggles, icky gooey ick. The other road led to a comfortable, safe, secure, stable, but very lonly, Single Life.