In the midst of fog and pain....

For those whom havn't noticed, when I am emotinal at work I write here... alot. I feel better 'talking' here. Its the thing that helps the best when I can't get away, and can't be visibily emotional. I am split. I am greaving for all the shit that has piled up on me. Hoever I am more wrapped up in Anjuli then I have been....in 2 1/2 years. I suppose I am falling on the support of the only person I feel safe enough around. Safe enough to break down; that is. I feel soo good when she holds me, and comforts me. I know that is what I have been waiting for, looking for, and wanting in my life. That is what was missing from Michelle. That is what I crave. It is the one thing that I can not do with out in a relationship. It is also the hardest thing to find. I don't know many people who have that quality. In fact, she is the only person who has ever made me feel that way. It has been something that I have always looked for in someone. I found it in her. That is why I was willing to stick through all the shit, all the abuse, and everything else. I think I would die for someone like that. I know I would. I just hate being cheeezzzy like that. I want to keep writing all day. In my head it feels like if I write all day, that I won't want to, or feel the need to call or talk to Anjuli. I feel like I will be ok if I just keep putting my feelings down. It's gettin too hot in here so I think I will go for a walk......