Many a woman.. so few o time...

Due to the move, our net at home is down for a while and I can't check myspace at work. So I found a chance over the weekend. I have messages from not one but 2 ex'es and an old friend turned enemy. I will have to find more time somewhere but it seems that out of the 3 one of them might be interested in being friends again. My most recent also finaly wrote me via txt message that she is clean. We also had a short conversation trying to talk about what happened. It went the same way all our fights went...

I had an.... an... the weekend was chock full of.... Ok well I went through alot of my stuff and threw alot of it out. Trouble is that there is still a lot more to go through. Namely the sentamintal items from my last relationship. Its hard to keep some of those things... but its harder to throw them out. I think its because I haven't let go. I need to, I need to let go and live in the present, not the past. Well I took a break from sorting things in to trash, keep, and t.b.d. and went to hang with some friends. They hired a massauge therapst to come and do a few 15m sessions. I also recieved a self heating massauge heart. You activate it and it heats up for 30m then you boil it to reset it. After the massuse we all got facials. I have never had one in my life... and it seems that every one else enjoyed them a lot more. They all said they were relaxing and felt good, I could barley feel anything. Maybe my skin is too rough. The night went on and we watched a movie or two, ordered takeout and had few beers. I actually had a beer. I have never in my life downed a whole beer without gaging. It was a pumpkin ail and it was almost soothing. It is the only alcohol I have had in a few months. After this night of relaxation and good company I woke up with a sick feeling in my stomach. Its the same feeling I get when I do something I find moraly repulsive. Yet I couldn't find any reason to feel that way. After a good shower and a brisk and early moring drive I felt alot better. On the way to work it was nice. I am feeling good again, and more often. I often seem to come away from that group of friends feeling better, I should find more time for them in my life, or rather hope they have time for me in theirs. lol. Well I have droned on long enough today. I have a new book to read a few ideas for new songs to write and good feelings to work on. I also have to change the gas and electric at the apartment over to my name.

This whole thing has been like cutting out an infected secion of skin. The infection has spread in to my blood stream, and now I have to root out it out and nurse it back to health. It hurts. The pain is mentaly blinding at times. My hope is that in the end I will be happier for it. *sigh* one step at a time.