Sleep and the lack there of....

I haven't slept too well the last few days. After a good nights rest last night I reread some of those posts. WOW. I actually didn't remember writing some of it. Now thats sleep depravation. It was like reading some of it for the first time.

Thank you Syhalla. I agree. Although those were written while I was somewhat less then coherent, they still said what I was feeling. I do love her, and She does make me feel safe. However, a relationship with the Anjuli that I know now is not something I want. She is still so messed up. There is a 'front' that looks as though she has grown. However it is little more then a forced facade. The people around her are pushing and trying to force her to change, and she doesn't want to. So she puts on a show for them so that they will shut up. I saw throught it almost too easily :P. Until she decides to change it won't happen. Geting over her pain has to be her decision. She is still the same kid I dated a few years ago. I won't be "going back" to that. She will have to become a stable and mature member of seociety, before I ever consider anything with her again.

Anjuli did bring up a good point to me though. I am still trying to force love in my life. *sigh* To quote Vash "you were just tired.". I got lonly and let it get to me. It is time I relaxed and stoped struggling and trying so hard. I will focus on my carieer and stop worrying about my "love life". Time to remember the 'modo' of this blog....